


No Absolution

by smithpepper



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Canon Universe, Doctor Leorio Paladiknight, Leorio is a grown up dad and has had enough of the Hunters, M/M, but kurapika can’t let him go that easily, kurapika pov, making out in a car, parenting, post black whale
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:08:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27097075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smithpepper/pseuds/smithpepper
Summary: Hi. I have a disease where I cannot stop starting new Leopika fics. Thanks quarantine!I feel like there are 800000 stories where Leorio is the pursuer and Kurapika plays hard to get, so I wanted to flip the script in this one and write something different. I’m not sure how long I want this to be, so please do comment if you’d like more of it! I always really appreciate the feedback :)
Relationships: Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 33
Kudos: 116





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I have a disease where I cannot stop starting new Leopika fics. Thanks quarantine! 
> 
> I feel like there are 800000 stories where Leorio is the pursuer and Kurapika plays hard to get, so I wanted to flip the script in this one and write something different. I’m not sure how long I want this to be, so please do comment if you’d like more of it! I always really appreciate the feedback :)

I’ll never forget the shock of actually touching Leorio for the first time.

By the end of the Hunter Exam, I felt like I knew him better than I knew myself. I memorized his face and voice; I could pick him out of a crowd in a moment. Everything about him felt safe and familiar by the time we were in York New together. When I closed my eyes, I could easily imagine his broad shoulders and gangly legs, his crooked glasses on his long nose, his too-loud laugh and glittering dark eyes.

The night after we met back up in the park with the kids, Leorio and I took a walk around the deserted port, looking out over the dark ocean and talking quietly. In his presence, I had allowed myself to relax for the first time in days. And yet I was wholly unprepared for the sensation of his naked hand on mine when he took my fingers and pressed them to his lips for a brief moment. It was a strange gesture, and it sent a shower of electricity down my spine. After he released my hand, he said nothing about it, and we continued on the walk. We never spoke of it again. I always wondered. 

* * *

The way I’m telling it makes it sound like I’ve spent my life under a rock. That’s not the case, even if Killua teases me about it. I let him, but the truth is that I’ve had lovers like anyone else. In fact, it was common in my line of work to sleep around, more out of boredom and loneliness than genuine lust. Mainly I felt nothing, but it was nice, afterwards, to fall asleep next to a warm and breathing body.

* * *

I never expected to make it this far. That was the problem. I had always operated under the assumption that I would not survive my mission. My retirement plans included cremation.

But somehow here I was, 27 years old and decidedly alive. My enemies were dead or in prison. I had done what I needed to do. I didn’t like to think about it.

After it was over I laid low for a year, floating between small villages in the countryside and staying in hostels and monasteries. Cheadle knew where I was and granted me a leave of absence from the Zodiacs, but other than that, I stayed off the grid. I bathed in hot springs to wash the caked blood from beneath my fingernails. When I felt better, I helped out with vegetable gardens and nursery schools and soup kitchens. Each evening I slept on scratchy pallets on stone temple floors, waiting patiently for death to take me in the still of the night. 

But it didn’t. I kept waking up the next day to the sound of the monks chanting, hungry for my breakfast of rice and grilled fish and pickled plums. I didn’t feel close to death at all. I felt healthy and revitalized, rested for the first time in a decade. I began to miss my friends fiercely.

* * *

I can’t pinpoint when exactly I made the plan to see Leorio, but by October of that year I knew that it was what I wanted. I would leave the countryside, return to the city, rejoin the Zodiacs, and see Leorio again. After that, I felt that things would fall into place. Having Leorio around had always made things go more smoothly. This time would be no different, I reasoned. 

My resolve strengthened, I called Cheadle to let her know that I was returning. She was happy to hear it, and told me that she had a lot of work for me. Casually, I asked if I might be assigned to work with Leorio, and had he completed his medical training yet? 

“Oh. I guess you haven’t heard,” she said. I froze in the middle of rolling up my pallet. 

“Heard what? What happened?” I asked, heart thumping. Surely someone would have told me if...? 

“Leorio quit. He’s not a Zodiac or a Hunter any longer. Happened earlier this year. We were all disappointed, but he wouldn’t budge. He’s working outside of Swaldani now, near the coast. A town called Opal Bay. I think he started his own clinic.” 

“Is that so,” I said lightly, trying to hide my shock. “I see. Thank you, Cheadle. I’ll let you know once I arrive back in the city.” 

“When can I expect you?” 

I deliberated, staring out across the rice field that bordered the monastery. I’d planned on going straight back, but now...

“Next month. I have one last thing to take care of first.” 

“Very well. We’ll look forward to your return. Safe travels, Kurapika.” 

I hung up and stared out across the misty countryside. The monks were beginning their evening prayers, and the sound of the gongs sang out across the quiet valley. I was stunned. Leorio, leaving the Hunters? After everything he went through to get his license? 

I didn’t understand. Everything was so different now. Nevertheless, I wanted to see him. I would go to Opal Bay. 

Over my simple dinner of miso soup and broiled pumpkin, I booked a train ticket to Swaldani for tomorrow night and rented a small apartment near the ocean. That was as far as my plan went.

* * *

I was taking the night train, and my cabin looked just like the one I’d stayed in years ago with Leorio and Gon when we’d travelled to Padokia to rescue Killua. I remember that we had bickered over who would take the top bunk. Leorio’s legs were too long for the cots, but there were only two beds and Gon would have to share with someone. In the end, I slept on the top bunk, and Gon and Leorio took the bottom bunk. Somehow Gon took up much more than half of the space, his small frame sprawled across the mattress while Leorio hung off the edge. Gon fell asleep immediately and snored like a tired puppy, but Leorio and I woke up over and over during the long train ride, our eyes meeting in the darkness.

For the first hour of the ride I had my cabin to myself, but after the third stop the door opened with a screech as a brunette woman around my age sidled inside, murmuring an apology. She was clutching an armful of paperback books. 

“Sorry to disturb you,” she said with a remorseful smile, pulling the door shut and placing her pile of books on the lower bunk. “Is this all right, if I take this one?” 

“No problem,” I called from the top bunk, rolling over to face the wall. “I hope you sleep comfortably.”   
  
“You too,” she replied as she bustled around, sounding slightly out of breath. “Wow! It’s so tiny in here. I didn’t know there would be a sink and everything.” She paused to fiddle with the folding sink. “Ha! Cool!” 

I pulled the blankets up to my chin and made a polite noise of agreement, hoping that she didn’t want to chat the entire way. It was a 17 hour trip. 

“Ah! Sorry,” she laughed, and sank onto the bottom bunk. “I’ll let you sleep.” She clicked off the light switch and continued to rustle around in the darkness as the train chugged along. 

I’ve always felt soothed by the rocking motion of trains, and for a while I half-dozed, curled in my small bunk underneath a heavy woolen blanket. My cabin-mate was applying some kind of lotion or perfume that smelled like jasmine, and the pleasant scent worked its way into a dream about standing in a warm sunny garden with Leorio, overlooking the ocean. In my dream he turned to me and said something I couldn’t hear. His glasses glinted in the sun. “What’s that?” I asked, leaning closer, but still his voice was muffled. 

“Are you all right?”   
  
I opened my eyes, and was startled to see my cabinmate leaning over me in the darkness. Her pale brow was furrowed in concern. 

“Are you okay? You were calling out in your sleep,” she continued, and handed me a bottle of grapefruit juice. “I got this off of the cart a while ago, if you’re thirsty.” 

“Oh,” I said, feeling awkward as I took the bottle. Had I been that loud? “Thanks. Sorry about that...” 

“Mm! Don’t worry,” she said with an emphatic shake of her head, and hopped back down to her bunk. “I talk in my sleep too.” 

“Ah. I hope I didn’t wake you,” I said, taking a sip of the juice. It was very sweet. “My apologies.”

“No! Not at all. I’m not tired,” she said brightly, fidgeting with her pillow. She paused, staring out the window at the shadowy countryside. “Actually, I’m...kinda nervous. So I can’t sleep.” 

She rustled around in her cot for a moment, and I realized that she was waiting for me to reply. 

“Why’s that?” I asked, rolling over onto my side. “I usually find trains quite relaxing.” 

“Me too,” she said swiftly, sounding relieved, “but I’m just nervous. I’m meeting my future in-laws for the first time tomorrow, and I already know they don’t approve of me. So, you know. Kinda nervous.” 

The train whistled as we crossed a trestle bridge over a black stretch of river. I propped myself up on my pillows, unsure of how to reply. It wasn’t exactly my area of expertise.

”That does sound challenging,” I said diplomatically, and I heard her laugh. 

“Challenging! Yeah. That’s a nice way of putting it. Are you married? Do you get along with your wife’s family?” 

“Oh, no,” I said, too quickly, and she laughed again. “I mean...not that there’s anything wrong with it. No.”

”Don’t do it! Family is a pain in the ass. My fiancée calls his mother in law before he buys even one thing at the grocery store. One thing! Even if he’s spending, like, 40 jenni. He’s never going to grow up.” 

In the past, her flippant comment about family problems would have enraged me; didn’t she understand how lucky she was to even have family to complain about? Over time, I’ve learned to let go of that rage and jealousy. What good did it do? I took a deep breath and chuckled along with her.

We lapsed into a comfortable silence as the train reached the coast. I could see the foggy glimmer of a lighthouse blinking way out at sea. 

“I didn’t even ask you where you’re going,” she said after a long pause. “God! Sorry. That was rude of me, to just talk about myself.” 

“Not at all,” I said, stifling a yawn. “I’m, um...” I hesitated. What was I doing, exactly? “I’m...visiting an old friend.”

“Oh, fun. How did you guys meet?”

”Er...we worked together,” I said, which wasn’t untrue, but I didn’t feel like talking about the Hunter exam while I was sleepy and relaxed. “And then we became good friends during the training.” 

“Cool! What’s your friend like? How long has it been since you saw each other?” she asked, and I smelled another waft of jasmine as she rubbed lotion onto her hands. “What are you guys gonna do?” 

“It’s been...let’s see, three years,” I said, answering the easiest question first. “And...well. He’s a doctor now. He’s always wanted to be one.”

“Oh, cool! So he’s super smart?” 

“...I guess so, yes.” 

My cabinmate snickered. “You guess so? What, did you guys get into a fight or something?” 

I was silent in reply. My cabinmate made a worried noise. 

“You did! Oh no. What happened?” she exclaimed. “Or, erm. Sorry, that’s too personal. Never mind.” 

“Don’t worry,” I reassured her. “You’re perceptive.” 

“Ha! You’re sweet. My fiancé calls it nosy. So what happened?” 

“Well, we...” 

I stopped, unsure of how to continue. I could sense that my cabinmate was listening closely. 

“We grew apart. Over time. Our lives were going in such different ways, I suppose. And he tried to hold on but I tried to push him away. I don’t know why, really. But it was my fault. I know that.” 

I couldn’t explain why I was telling so much to this stranger. Somehow, lying there on my gently rocking bunk in the darkness, gliding beside the blackness of the ocean, it seemed all right to tell the truth. I’d never see this woman again.

And she was nice. Maybe everything didn’t have to be such a battle all the time. 

“It’s always hard when that happens,” she said sympathetically, and I nodded to myself. “And it takes a lot of courage to go back and apologize. That’s awesome.” 

I smiled. ‘Awesome’ was such a Gon and Killua word, and it made me think of them. Maybe she was a bit younger than I had originally guessed. 

“I guess so. Yes.” 

She hummed in reply, and I heard her yawn and roll over in her cot. A few minutes passed, and I thought that she had perhaps fallen asleep, but then I heard her voice again. 

“You still didn’t answer what he’s like. Tell me more about him so I can get my mind off of my mother-in-law yelling at me about spending too much on peanut butter.” 

“Right,” I agreed, chewing my cheek and thinking. How to describe Leorio to a stranger? “Well. He’s...very tall.” 

“How tall?” 

“At least six foot three, I think. Too tall for everything. Cars are impossible.” 

She chuckled appreciatively. “Poor guy. Except not because tall guys get all the girls. Is he married? How is he with women?”

Until now it had not crossed my mind that Leorio might have gotten married. For some reason the idea made my stomach feel cold. I frowned. 

“I’m...not sure. I don’t think so.” 

“Hm. So you really haven’t seen him in a while. Okay, next question. Umm...let’s see. What’s his favorite color?”   
  
I thought about it for a minute. “Blue. I think. Dark blue.” 

“Nice. Manly,” she said. “Um. Let’s see. Hmm. What’s your favorite thing about him? Get detailed. I’m starting to think about what my in-laws will say about my cooking. Go for the gold.” 

I thought about it for several minutes as the train entered a tunnel. I had never asked myself that question about any of my friends before, and it felt difficult to put it into a tangible sentence. Leorio was...Leorio was, well, Leorio. He was always there when you needed someone. He could drive calmly. He was good in a crisis. He took care of you when you were sick. He took my hand once, and—

“Hello? Earth to top bunk? Did you fall asleep?” my cabinmate called, tapping the railing with her foot. “Let’s hear it.” 

I paused to consider for an extra few seconds before answering. 

“He’s very...dependable,” I said firmly. “Yes. Dependable.” That was the word for Leorio.   
  
My cabinmate scoffed, and I felt vaguely offended. “Dependable? Really? That’s the best you can do? You’re taking the nine billion hour night train for someone _dependable_? Oatmeal is dependable. Aspirin is dependable. Come on! You can’t think of something better!” 

I was beginning to wish that I hadn’t revoked my no-talking train policy. Picking at the seam of my pillowcase, I fell silent again, trying to express it more clearly. 

“Think of it this way,” my cabinmate said, her voice more gentle. “What does this guy have that nobody else has? What makes it worth it to go to all this trouble when there are a million other people out there?” 

“Okay,” I conceded. “Okay. I suppose...it’s because...he makes me feel calm when no one else can.” I took a breath, remembering the feeling. “More than calm. He makes me feel safe. He makes everyone feel safe. It’s remarkable. Even when we were in terrible danger, he managed to make things better.”

”That’s more like it!” she crowed, clapping. “Ha. That’s like, the opposite of my fiancé. He stresses everyone the hell out. Okay, okay, sorry, I’ll stop talking about myself.” She chuckled, and then grew serious. “That’s awesome. Hey, if he’s not married yet, I’ll take him. That is, if you’re not planning on proposing when you get there.”

I blushed. “What? No, I’m just—”

“Oh. Oops! I’m being too nosy again. Sorry.” 

“That’s all right.” 

She yawned loudly. “You know what? I don’t feel nervous anymore. Thank you for talking. I feel like I could sleep for a bit now.” 

“Same to you. I hope you sleep well.” 

Her breathing evened out quickly after that, but I laid awake for a long time as the train rounded the peninsula and the sky grew lighter over the smooth ocean.

* * *

When the train finally pulled into the sunlit station the next morning, I splashed cold water on my puffy eyes and said goodbye to my cabinmate while she ate her breakfast. 

“Best of luck with your family. And thank you for the conversation last night. I usually don’t talk like that. I appreciated it.” 

“Sure! Thanks! Anytime,” she said through a mouthful of croissant. “Good luck! I hope it goes well. Hey, what was your name?” 

“Kurapika. And yours?” 

“Clara. Clara Wentsworth. Look me up if you’re ever in Sulweeta Harbor! We could get coffee sometime.”

“I will. Take care, Clara.” 

* * *

I had expected Opal Bay to be a beach resort town, but as I walked away from the run-down train station and towards my rented apartment, I realized that it was not located on the seaside but instead bordered a swampy freshwater river that fed into the ocean some twenty miles away. Lazy seagulls hovered over the overflowing dumpsters on the sidewalks, and many of the stores I passed had boarded-up windows.

What had happened here? What was Leorio doing in such a backwater place? Surely he, with all of his Hunter credentials, could have secured work in a fancy private academic hospital in a city center. A stray dog skulked past me to rummage for chicken bones in an alleyway, and I quickened my pace. Dry palm fronds whispered overhead as I walked. 

When I reached my small apartment, I took a long, hot shower. I felt grimy and tired from the train ride. It was about noon, and I figured that it would make the most sense to find Leorio’s clinic later this afternoon, when he would be finishing up with patients. I didn’t have his phone number or email address any more, so all I could do was find him in person. A quick internet search revealed only two doctors offices in the entire township; one of them was a plastic surgery consultation center, and the other was a free family medicine clinic. I surmised that Leorio worked at the latter.

I spent the afternoon wandering around town and buying a few groceries from a nearby convenience store. I hadn’t eaten anything since my sip of grapefruit juice on the train, but I was too apprehensive to be hungry. Just before 5, I changed into clean clothes and walked downtown, hoping that my hunch was accurate. 

* * *

My guess was correct. Leorio worked in the small family clinic downtown called St. Pietro’s. His name was on the sign: Dr. Paladiknight, MD. I felt a rush of proprietary pride at the letters. He had achieved his goal.

I walked into the shabby waiting room and flashed my Hunter badge at the young secretary, explaining who I was here to see. She beamed at me. Dr. Paladiknight was finishing up with a patient at the moment, but he was almost finished for the day. Would I please wait there? Would I like a coffee?

No, I would not. My palms were already tingling with nerves, and my pulse was racing. It had been so long since we’d seen each other. I wiped my hands on my trouser legs and stared at a toddler growth chart taped to the wall. Now and then patients exited through the waiting room, some with fresh plaster casts or wobbling around on crutches. When the door to the clinic swung open, I caught a snippet of Leorio’s loud voice, saying something about fiber supplements. My mouth went dry.

Finally the last old lady shuffled away, clutching a paper bag of prescriptions. The secretary smiled at me again and gestured toward the clinic door. I could see the doctor now. I nodded and thanked her before walking back into the clinic.

Leorio was still in his office, hunched over his desk. His hair was longer now, spilling across his forehead, and he wore a white doctor’s coat over his ironed slacks and navy dress shirt. I felt suddenly underdressed in my linen trousers and tunic. As I walked down the carpeted hallway, the smell of antiseptic made my stomach churn. I paused at his open doorway and knocked twice, clearing my throat.

“...Leorio?”

He glanced up. If he was surprised, he didn’t show it.

“Ah. It’s you,” he said, snapping his briefcase shut and straightening up. “Wondered if you were still alive.”

Bracing myself for a fight, I stepped forward and extended my hand.

“I apologize for not calling first, but I was in the area, and I wanted—”

“I have an appointment in ten minutes, so I can’t talk for long,” he said calmly, adjusting his collar. “Sorry to disappoint.” 

He wouldn’t shake my hand, so I lowered mine awkwardly and stood there, unsure how to proceed.

“Oh. Well. Are...are you free after your appointment? I thought it would be nice to...catch up. If you’re free.”

He exhaled sharply through his nose and turned toward the windows. A shadow fell across his face.

“I have a lot of patient charts to write later. I’m busy.”

His voice was flat and expressionless. My throat grew tight. He picked up his briefcase and walked across his office, brushing past me, before pausing with his hand on the doorknob.

“I’m not sure what you want, Kurapika, but I can’t play this game anymore,” he said, staring at the floor. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to get involved with any of it. I’ve worked too hard to get away from your world.”

“Wait. This has nothing to do with my work,” I said swiftly, feeling stung. “It’s over. I really did just come here to see you. I promise.”

My voice cracked, and he looked at me for the first time. When our eyes met, I wanted to crumple to the ground. He looked older, and tired, and very sad. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, and left.

I stood in the office motionless for five minutes before hurrying back through the waiting room and past the kind secretary and out into the golden twilight. Too numb to think, I walked across the cracked asphalt parking lot with my hands jammed into my pockets.

_But it’s me_ ,  I wanted to run back and tell him.  _It’s me. You remember me. You told me you missed me the last time we talked. That you wanted to see me. Did you forget?_

I felt sullen and petty, as forlorn as a lost child. How dare he? I came all this way.

But it was only fair, wasn’t it? How many times had I ignored his calls back then, deleted his desperate messages in frustration?

Maybe I only had myself to blame. Maybe this ship had sailed a long time ago, and I was too wrapped up in my own dramas to notice the empty harbor. 

Sweating a little in the humid evening air, I dragged my heavy feet back to my rented apartment and opened a bottle of red wine. I had purchased it earlier, thinking that Leorio would drink some. I poured myself a big glass and felt stupid. 

* * *

I spent the next three days hungover and regrouping. I needed a different approach to talk to Leorio. Startling him at work had been a foolish idea, and although my pride was wounded, I wasn’t ready to give up yet. 

The town was close enough to the ocean to feel vaguely vacation-ish, so I felt inclined to eat beachy foods, lukewarm shrimp tacos and briny raw oysters on ice and syrupy pineapple drinks. To kill time during the long sunny days, I went on slow runs down to the riverfront and jogged along the wooden boardwalk, weaving between cigarette-smoking construction workers. Since it was October, most of the tourists had gone home. The town felt run-down and empty. It made me sad in a way I couldn’t explain.

At night I laid awake for hours and thought about Leorio in an oblique way or not at all. My bedroom was too warm, and my bare skin stuck to the floral-patterned sheets. I imagined Leorio’s cool hands, the rough scrape of his stubbly cheek against mine. 

* * *

I was so naive. No, I was worse. I was arrogant; I had assumed that Leorio would be so pleased to finally see me again that all would be forgiven. In my imaginings Leorio was always surprised but overjoyed, always rushing to clasp my hand and pat me on the back and usher me back into the glowing warmth of his friendship.

It would have been all right if he had simply shouted at me. His quick temper was a kind of warmth, too, and I had always been secretly thrilled to goad it out of him. Yelling and throwing things would have been acceptable, understandable. But what I did not expect was his cold indifference, the way that his eyes flickered across mine and then away, the firm set to his mouth. He sounded so different when he spoke, not at all like the exuberant person I remembered. 

By the afternoon of my third day in emotional quarantine I was ready to try again. I would start by apologizing this time, remembering what my train friend Clara had said. Perhaps that would help.   
  
I combed my hair back and walked purposefully downtown to the clinic as the clock struck 5 pm. The construction workers were going home for the night, dusty and sunburnt. As I walked along the river, I noticed the dusky sweet scent of jasmine. Breathing deeply, I followed the smell to a florist’s shop on the corner. There were several small potted jasmine plants for sale on a wooden table. Each pot was decorated with a blue silk ribbon. Up close, the scent was intoxicating.

It would make a good peace offering. I bought one from the old woman shopkeeper and continued walking, bringing the tiny white flowers close to my face to inhale their perfume. 

When I arrived at the clinic, sweating a little from the warm evening sun, the secretary was already outside, turning the sign from OPEN to CLOSED. I jogged across the parking lot, clutching the jasmine plant to my chest. The secretary turned in surprise as I approached, but her face relaxed as she recognized me. 

“Wait! Is Dr. Paladiknight gone?” I asked, catching my breath. “Has he left for the day?”

”It’s you again! The Hunter, right?” 

I nodded, slowing my breathing. “Am I too late?”

She checked her watch. “Um...he just left, but he usually comes back to finish up the charts after the patients have gone home. He usually goes to get Catalina around now.” 

_Catalina...? His wife?_  
  
“Thanks,” I nodded to the secretary, and sank onto a nearby bench. “Is it all right if I wait for a few minutes?” 

“No problem at all,” she said warmly, and went back inside. Through the window, I saw her tidying up her desk and adjusting some of the peeling posters on the walls.

As I waited, I tried to make myself feel happy for Leorio, for wasn’t it kind of a miracle that he’d managed to settle down after the insanity of the Hunter world? I wondered what kind of woman she was. Leorio had been such a flirt when I knew him that I had no idea if he even had a type. Perhaps she was another doctor. I envisioned Leorio with his arm around a beautiful tall blonde in a white coat, and it made me feel like I’d missed a step going downstairs. What was wrong with me that I couldn’t be happy for my friend? 

The sound of Leorio’s voice startled me out of my reverie. My heart pounding, I glanced up to see him walking down the sidewalk and approaching the clinic. At first I thought he was alone, but as he grew closer, I realized that he was talking to someone walking beside him. 

“...I said no, Kitty Cat. We’re not having nuggets tonight. I already made rice. Ouch—stop kicking! Cut it out.” 

“I don’t like _rice_ ,” came a despondent wail from Leorio’s shadow. “I don’t wannit!” 

He was close enough now that I could see the tiny girl beside him, clasping his hand and hopping down the sidewalk like a frog. Curious, I shaded my eyes to see better in the sunlight. She couldn’t have been older than five years old. Her dark hair was braided in two messy plaits, and she wore pink striped leggings and a sweater with a lion’s face on it. 

“Oh. You’re back,” Leorio said, seeing me at last. He came to a halt, but the girl kept hopping around, tugging at his hand. “Kitty, go inside and play with Miss Atunde.”   
  
The girl ran inside the clinic. I heard the secretary greeting her. Leorio walked closer, and I saw his eyebrows raise at the sight of my jasmine plant. 

“Doing some gardening?”

I blushed, feeling the tips of my ears go hot. “No. It’s...for you. An apology.” I held out the pot, and he took it out of my arms, looking bemused. 

“Oh. Thanks,” he said, and I nodded. He paused for a moment, chewing the inside of his cheek. “So are you gonna tell me what you’re really doing here?

I looked away. “I told you. There’s no motive. I just...I finished with what I had to do, and I wanted to find you. I thought you were still in the Zodiacs, but Cheadle said you’d quit. So.”

Leorio snorted. “Got it. You finally had time to get back to me. Guess all those phone calls weren’t a waste of time after all.” He pushed his hair out of his eyes. “Glad to know I’m last on the list.” 

This wasn’t going any better than the first time, and I felt anxiety rising in my chest. I remembered what Clara had said. 

“And—and I wanted to apologize for all of that. I know it must have been frustrating, and—”

”Frustrating?” Leorio spat, and his face twitched like he was about to cry. I froze. “Yeah. That’s one way to put it. A real pain in the ass. I thought you _died_. I thought—“ His voice was growing ragged, and he stopped himself and cleared his throat. “I didn’t know what you’d done to yourself.” 

I said nothing, and stared at my feet. My throat burned in with guilt. Leorio sighed, touching the petals of the jasmine plant. 

“If you’re here for forgiveness, forget it,” he said curtly. “Don’t expect everything to suddenly be fine because you’re back. I’m not going to absolve you of the last three years just because you decided to survive and show up here. I have a life too, you know.” 

“I know, Leorio,” I said, feeling tired. He looked so hurt, and I didn’t know what to do or say. “I’m glad you do. I’m glad you got away from everything.” I paused, shifting in my seat. The sun was setting now, and the air was chillier. “Is she...your daughter? When did you marry?” 

“Not married,” Leorio grumbled. “Long story.” He recrossed his long legs. “But yes. She’s my daughter. And she’s the most important thing in my life. I don’t give a fuck about Zodiac politics or Hunter craziness. It’s just her and me now.” 

I had a million questions, but I sensed that I should let it drop. Catalina and Miss Atunde were walking outside now, hand-in-hand. When Catalina saw Leorio, she sprinted up to him and climbed into his lap. 

“I got to feed the fish again,” she reported proudly, nestling her face into Leorio’s chest. “Gluppy ate everyone’s food. He’s mean!” 

“That’s okay. We’ll feed the others later,” Leorio assured her, smoothing her frazzled hair off of her damp forehead. “Did you show Miss Atunde your new song?”

As Catalina chattered, Leorio’s expression softened, and the tension melted from his shoulders. I felt as though I was intruding on something private, and glanced up at the thunderheads gathering on the horizon. 

“Okay. Come on, Kitty. Time to go home. Good night, Sasha,” he called, waving at the secretary as she walked towards her car. “See you tomorrow.” 

As Leorio lifted Catalina off of his lap and set her on the ground, she turned towards me with an inquisitive stare. Her eyes were a light sea-glass green, and they glowed against her caramel skin. I searched her face for resemblance to Leorio. They shared the same bright gaze and warm smile, and she turned it on me now. 

“Who are you?” she chirped, shifting from foot to foot. “Are you a sick person? My daddy is a doctor!”

”I know. I’m not sick, though. Just here to say hello. My name is Kurapika,” I replied, standing up and extending my hand. She grabbed it and squeezed, giggling. Her palm was sticky and hot.

“Kerpka! That’s a weird name,” she said. Leorio gave her arm a gentle swat.

”Be polite, Kitty.” 

“It’s all right,” I said, and took a deep breath. “Leorio...”

Thunder rumbled in the distance, and it started to drizzle, the smell of petrichor rising off of the warm asphalt. 

“My hair is wet!” Catalina sang, jumping up and down. 

“Can I have your phone number?” I finished, twisting my hands in my pockets. “I’m here for the next month. Could we talk sometime?”

The rain increased. Leorio leaned down to pick up Catalina in one arm and the jasmine plant in the other, his wet hair sticking to his glasses. He looked at me, his brow furrowed in uncertainty. 

”I don’t...” 

He left the sentence hanging in the air. My eyes stung with tears. I wiped them away quickly, hoping that Leorio would think it was only rain. I nodded once and turned to go, clenching my jaw.

”I understand. Take care, then. Catalina, it was lovely to meet you,” I said, and started to walk away. I felt his eyes on the back of my head as I crossed the parking lot, face down in the wet wind, and I was almost to the street when I heard his footsteps. I whirled back around to see him standing behind me, panting slightly as he clutched Catalina and the jasmine plant in each arm.

“Give me yours. Give me your new number. I know you changed it.” 

I wiped my eyes. “My number?”

”Give me your cell. I’ll call you. Deal?”

“Deal,” I agreed at once, and told him.

He handed me the jasmine plant to hold while he typed into his phone. Once he was finished, we gazed at each other for a moment longer in the rain, finally meeting each other’s eyes. The tightness in my chest loosened. 

“Well...” he started, and I smiled.   
  
“See you sometime, then.” 

“I’m _hungry_ ,” Catalina exclaimed, and Leorio seemed to snap back to reality. He walked towards his parked car. 

“Me too. Sorry, kitten. Ready for dinner? See you later, Kurapika.” 

I watched as he buckled her into her car seat and drove away. I felt a powerful hunger for him then, and I knew why I was here. I wanted to feel his lips on my skin again. I wanted to be close to him. 

* * *

The rain had let up, and I took my time walking home in the dark alongside the swampy river. A silver heron strutted in the marshy grass, balancing on its stilt-like legs to spear a fish with its sharp beak. The thunderclouds had cleared, and a few early stars rose in the hazy sky. 

I wondered when or if Leorio would call me. All I could do now was wait.


	2. Chapter 2

Three days passed, and I began to lose hope that Leorio would call. Still, I kept checking my phone, and even slept with it underneath my pillow with the volume turned up high, just in case he called at a strange hour. I knew it was pathetic. 

I had nothing to do, and the days passed slowly. I rented a car, thinking I could drive to the beach to pass the time, but every morning dawned gray and gloomy, and the local radio announcers warned tourists against swimming, describing rip tides and strong currents. The salty air was humid and too warm for late October, and although thunder rumbled in the distance, it did not rain. I wished it would, because this felt like purgatory. The pressure in the atmosphere made me sluggish and irritable. 

I tried to read, but I couldn’t focus on anything for longer than a page or two. Leorio’s face kept flitting across my mind, tired and worn and intense. I tried to picture what he was doing at different moments: seeing a patient in the morning? Walking out for a quick lunch? Picking up Catalina in the evening? I wondered what he did when he went home for the night. Did he cook? I couldn’t picture it, somehow. I had never learned how to cook. What did his house look like? I drove myself half-crazy trying to imagine every detail of his life. 

By the third evening I had grown tired of myself, and walked through the damp wind to a nearby cafe on the riverfront. I was the only customer. I sat at a table outdoors, perched on a wooden dock over the marshy water. Bullfrogs sang from the reeds. As I looked over the sticky laminated menu, I watched a snowy-feathered egret fly silently overhead. 

“What’ll it be?” asked my waitress, a young gum-chewing girl. “Tonight’s special is the crab.” 

“Uh. That will be fine,” I answered, unable to muster up the energy to pick anything. “Thank you. And a glass of water, please.”   
  
She nodded and walked away, her blonde ponytail bouncing behind her. I stared out over the river. The water looked indigo in the gathering dusk, and for a moment I entertained a fantasy of diving in and sinking to the murky bottom. As a child I loved to swim with Pairo in our village’s river. I especially enjoyed the sensation of submerging my ears. Far from being silent, the underwater world buzzed and trilled and chirped with the calls of shrimp and crabs and fish. I could almost hear it again now. 

“...Sir. Or—um—ma’am—or, uh...well, here’s the water. The crab will be out shortly,” my waitress was saying, standing before me and fidgeting with her apron. “Is that your phone that’s ringing?”

With a start, I realized that my phone was chirping urgently with a call from an unmarked number. Heart pounding, I snatched it up and answered the call. 

“Thank you,” I mouthed to the waitress, and cleared my throat. “Hello? Kurapika speaking.” 

“Cat—stop that!” came a harried voice, and then I heard a huff of air. “Kurapika. Hey. It’s Leorio,” he said, and paused to yell something else away from the phone. My stomach did a backflip, and I clutched the phone tightly to my ear.

“Leorio,” I said, my voice oddly squeaky. “Hello!” 

“Hey,” he replied, and I heard the slam of a screen door. “Okay. I’m outside now. She’s going through a growth spurt so she’s been all over the place today. What are you doing for dinner?”

The waitress was walking towards me with a giant plate of steaming crab. I glanced toward her, deliberating. 

“Oh. Well...I hadn’t, um, decided yet,” I lied badly. “What about you?” 

“Dunno. I got off clinic early today though, so I thought you could come by if you wanted to.” He paused for a minute. “Just, like, for a little bit. I have to get her to bed early, you know. And do some charts. But if you wanna come by, you’re welcome to.” 

He said it all in a rush, sounding gruff. I could almost see him rubbing the back of his neck and frowning. Regardless of that, a balloon of happiness was swelling in my chest, and I tried hard to keep my voice level. 

“Sure. I can bring food over, if you’d like. What’s your address?”

He told me, and after that I said goodbye and hung up quickly, pulse racing. 

* * *

Leorio lived in a quiet town near the harbor about half an hour away. I drove up a steep winding road, careful not to spill my styrofoam containers of crab. The houses here looked very old, with tattered fishing nets hanging to dry in the yards. Orange nasturtiums tumbled out of a windowsill garden. I couldn’t read the signs on the buildings, but several of them looked empty, either abandoned or condemned. Again I wondered: what had happened here? 

His house was perched on the top of a hill. The yard was thickly overgrown with vines and flowers, and it had a wonderful view of the dark ocean below, dotted with the blinking lights of distant freight ships. I parked my car in his gravel driveway and got out to stretch, feeling queasy with nerves. As I fixed my hair and gathered up the bags of food, I was greeted with a loud shriek.

”Dad! Dad! He’s already here! Kerpka! Do you remember me?”

In the darkness, I felt something collide with my knees, and glanced down to see little Catalina sprinting in circles around me, talking a mile a minute.

”Dad said you were coming for dinner so I could stay up later and watch Pup Police before I went to bed and I had this dream about a man who looked like a banana and when I was at school Yumiko told me that her dad snores so loud and—“ 

“Kitty,” called Leorio, appearing at the doorway, “calm down. Let him come inside. Hi, Kurapika. Come in.”

His face was wreathed with the yellow glow of indoor light, and I couldn’t see his expression. I tried to relax, and found that I could barely take a breath. 

”Hi,” I said, and again my voice did not sound like my own. I swallowed. “Thanks for having me.”

”Yeah. Here, I can take that,” he said, and strode forward to grab the leaking styrofoam containers out of my hands. “Whatcha got?” 

“Crab. Is that all right?” I said, and followed him into the warm kitchen, Catalina tagging at our heels.

”Eeeew!” she screeched happily, making her hands into pincers and grabbing at Leorio’s suit pants. “Crabs are just like spiders!”

”Kind of,” Leorio told her as he placed the food on his kitchen counter, “but we don’t eat spiders with butter and lemon. Can you show Mr. Kurapika where to put his shoes, Kitty?” 

I followed her down a narrow hallway into a dimly lit living room. The olive green walls were covered with crayon drawings and school projects, and a wall of tall bookshelves was crammed with medical books and thick stacks of paperwork. Large windows looked out over the ocean, and there were several dusty potted plants dotting the room, their fronds trailing across the wooden floor. 

“Put your shoes here!” Catalina sang, and I looked down at a pile of tiny ballet slippers and glittery sandals alongside Leorio’s large dress shoes. I toed off my loafers and added them to the mess, smiling. 

When we returned to the kitchen, Leorio was seated at the small table, shoving aside stacks of paperwork to make room for our plates. His hair was too long, and he kept pushing it out of his eyes. 

“Sorry for the mess. Here, Kurapika, take this chair. The other one has a wobbly leg.”

“I’m not hungry,” Catalina announced, rocking back and forth in her chair. “Can I watch Pup Police?”

”No. You’re hungry. What do you say to our guest?” Leorio scolded. He began cracking crab legs and extracting morsels for her, dipping each one in a dish of melted butter before laying them on her plastic cat-shaped plate. “Remember?”   
  
“ThankyouforthefoodMisterKerpka,” she said in one breath. Leorio nodded approvingly. 

“Good, Kitty Cat. And thanks, Kurapika. Looks great.”

“Ah. No problem at all,” I replied, and looked away. Leorio, finished with Catalina’s crab, set to attacking his own with gusto. Flecks of shell and butter flew everywhere as he ate.

Had he always been this way, or had I just forgotten what other humans were like? I stared down at my own plate, and my crab stared back with its remaining eyeball. I wished that I had brought something less challenging to eat. This was so much work that we could barely talk. 

“Feeling all right?” Leorio asked through a mouthful of crab, glancing up at me. “Not hungry? Catalina, chew with your mouth closed, sweetie.” He paused to swallow. “Kurapika, you want some wine or something?” 

“Um. If you’re having some,” I said. As he turned to fetch the wine, I picked up a crab leg and tried to crack it, but my palms were so sweaty that it slipped out my grasp and shot across the table. Catalina giggled. I quickly retrieved it before Leorio saw. 

“Here. It’s not great, but it’s an okay red,” Leorio said, sitting back down with a dusty bottle of wine and two glasses. “Cheers.”

The wine helped enough that I was able to choke down a few bites of crab without overthinking it, and we were all silent for several minutes as we ate. My hands were slick with butter, and I kept trying to tuck my hair behind my ears without getting crab juice on my face. I couldn’t think of a single thing to say. Leorio was busy with Catalina, who needed help cutting her food, and every time I opened my mouth to make small talk, he became distracted by something else.

Finally we were finished eating. At Leorio’s direction, Catalina scampered away to get ready for bed. Leorio yawned hugely and leaned back in his chair, checking his watch. 

“How old is she?” I asked. “Is she in school?”

”Four and three months. She’s in preschool. Loves it,” he said, and yawned again, scratching his stubbly cheek. A piece of crab was stuck to his neck. “Which is nice. She doesn’t mind staying when I have to work late, which is all the time.” 

“I washed my hands!” Catalina cried, bounding back into the room. She was wearing a purple nightgown now, patterned with ballet-dancing tigers. “Can I watch my tablet now?” 

“Did you brush your teeth?” Leorio asked, smoothing her tangled hair back from her face. “And use the bathroom?”

”Yep! Yep!” 

“Okay. One episode, and then bedtime. Deal?”

She nodded happily and ran down the hallway, and after a moment we heard the sound of a cheerful theme song emanating from the other room. 

“I’ll have to put her to bed pretty soon,” Leorio muttered. Thinking that this was my cue to go, I nodded and finished my last sip of wine. 

“Of course. I’m happy to get going now, if—“ 

“No, no, it’s fine,” he interjected, waving his hands, and I relaxed. “We haven’t gotten to talk at all yet. Stay for a bit.” 

His eyes met mine over the crab shells littering the table, and we both smiled. 

“So. It’s been a while,” he continued. “Should I go first, or do you want to?”

I exhaled a laugh. “I can give you a condensed version. There’s not much I want to tell, to be honest.” 

He rolled up his shirtsleeves and leaned against the table. I couldn’t help noticing the muscles of his forearms, and quickly glanced down at my hands. 

“Fair enough. Last time I saw you was...what? Last meeting after the Black Whale?” He let out a low whistle. “Now there’s something I don’t want to talk about. Fuck.” 

“It’s a miracle we survived,” I agreed. “But...”

He met my eyes and nodded, knowing the rest of the sentence already. _But so many others didn’t._

“And then you were totally off the grid,” he said, tilting his head. The lamplight glinted off of his glasses. “So then what?”

“Well, I...finished my work.” I didn’t want to say more than that. I knew he would be horrified if he knew the full extent. “And then I spent about a year living at a monastery in the countryside. Until now.” 

He snorted. “What, are you a monk now? Why a monastery?”

”It was clean and free. I helped out. Gardening, and things like that.”

”Hm. Fair enough. And you definitely didn’t check your phone a whole lot.” 

His expression was calm, but my stomach twisted with guilt. I clutched the stem of my empty wineglass. 

“A lot of the places I visited didn’t have cell reception, so—“ 

“Nah. Not buying that,” he interrupted, looking hurt, and I closed my mouth. He was right, after all. “Just be honest with me. I called you so many times. What gives?”

I was quiet. He sighed and stood up with a groan, stretching his long arms overhead. 

”Hm. Well. You think about it for a minute. I’m gonna go put her to bed. Bathroom’s down the hall to the left if you need it.”

He strode out of the kitchen. I sat looking at my hands for a few minutes before padding down the hallway to find the bathroom. I wanted to rinse out my mouth, which felt cottony and dry. 

As I splashed cold tap water on my flushed face, I heard singing coming from down the hall. Straightening up, I met my own eyes in the cracked mirror and held very still, listening. It sounded like a lullaby in a language I didn’t know.

Quietly, I clicked off the light and tiptoed down the hallway. I stopped in front of a half-closed bedroom door, and peeked inside to see Leorio sitting cross-legged on the floor next to Catalina’s futon. The room was dark except for a glowing butterfly nightlight, and Catalina was tucked underneath a thick comforter. Leorio stroked her back gently and continued singing, and even in the dim light I could see the adoration on his face. 

I held my breath, trying not to make a sound. My chest was heavy with an emotion I couldn’t explain, something heavy and sweet and painful. I crept backwards and managed to return to the kitchen unnoticed. I didn’t know why, but I had tears in my eyes.

* * *

“Sorry about that,” Leorio said ten minutes later, walking back to the kitchen and scratching his neck. There were dark shadows underneath his eyes, and his shirttail was untucked. He gestured towards the back door. “You wanna go outside so we don’t wake her up?”

”If you’re tired, I’m happy to come back another day,” I tried again, wanting to be polite. He looked exhausted, but again he shook his head emphatically and poured two more glasses of wine. 

”I’ve got tomorrow off. Stay for a while. Who knows when we’ll see each other again.” 

I nodded and followed him outside, feeling a bit stung. Was he really not expecting to see me again? Did he not want to? 

We walked into the dark garden and sat facing one another on cushioned chairs, overlooking the ocean. Leorio sat down with a noisy sigh and handed me my wine. 

“It’s your turn, then,” I told him. “Tell me what you’ve been up to.” 

“You didn’t really finish,” he said, raising his eyebrows. “That’s really the whole story?”

”For now. I’ll tell you more some other time. Tell me what you’ve been up to. Clearly you’ve been busy. And you left the Hunters...”

He took a long swig of his wine, gazing out over the horizon. “Yeah. That.” 

It felt easier to talk honestly out in the darkness. I shifted in my chair to look more closely at him. 

“What happened? You of all people. I was so surprised when Cheadle told me.” 

“You asked Cheadle about me?” he asked, sounding caught off-guard. I blushed. 

“Well. Yeah. I didn’t know where you were, so..I checked.”

He chuckled. “First time for everything, huh?” 

There was a note of bitterness to his voice, and I stiffened. 

“I meant it when I said I just wanted to come here to see you, you know,” I said earnestly, but he made a dismissive noise and looked away. 

“Like I said. I’m not gonna be able to forget about everything just because you showed up again.” 

“I know. And I’m sorry. I understand that it was painful, and—“

”I don’t think you do,” he interrupted, sounding churlish. “I don’t know if you understand that feeling. We were always there for you. Me, Gon, Killua, Senritsu, Zepile, everyone.” 

“Then why did you even call me?” I burst out, frustrated. “Look. I am _sorry_ , Leorio. I’m sorry I didn’t answer your calls. I’m sorry. I’m trying to apologize. I wanted to find you and tell you. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you believe me.” I set down my wine glass and stood to go. “But if I’m just making it worse, then I should leave. I’m sorry.” 

Before I could react, he grabbed my wrist. Surprised, I looked down. His eyes glittered in the faint porch-light. I tried to yank myself free from his grasp, but he was stronger than me. 

“You can’t just run away every time something is difficult, Kurapika,” he snapped, and loosened his grip. I pulled my arm back, shaky with adrenaline. “That’s not fair. And you shouldn’t drive. You’ve had three glasses of wine, and for you, that’s too much.”

”I’m _fine_ ,” I said swiftly, tucking my hair behind my ears. I was embarrassed and upset, and I wanted to leave before I made anything worse. “It’s all right.” 

“Just sleep on the couch,” he grumbled. “It won’t kill you. Driving home might. Okay? I am prepared to guilt trip you about this more, if I have to.” 

He was glaring at me, but something in the mood shifted, and I sat back down. We both laughed nervously. 

“Okay. Fine. I’ll stay,” I conceded, and he leaned back in satisfaction. 

“Good.” 

“Anyways.” 

”So I quit the Hunters,” he continued, as though nothing had happened, “because I was tired of all of that shit, and I had gotten my medical degree paid for, which was the whole point anyways. And I came here.”

”Why here, if I can ask? It seems rather, um...”

”Fucked up?” Leorio offered with a grim laugh. “Yeah. There was a pretty devastating tsunami here five years ago, and they never really recovered from it.” 

I searched my memory, and realized that I had a vague recollection of reading about it. Hundreds of people had died in the flooding. ”Ah. Now I remember. It demolished several settlements, yes?”

”Exactly. So. You know. They needed another doc, and the job was open,” he said offhandedly, but I could see a glimmer of pride in his eyes. “And that’s been that.” 

“And...Catalina?” I ventured, watching him closely. He paused before replying, tracing the rim of his wineglass. 

“...Yeah. Catalina.” He stopped. “Maybe another time.”

That was fair. I nodded, and our eyes met again. I smelled jasmine flowers from somewhere in the yard. 

_It’s good to see you,_ I wanted to say, but instead I faked a yawn and stood up. 

“It’s probably late. I should let you get to bed. You must be very tired.” 

“I’m okay,” Leorio said with a shrug, but got to his feet. “But I can set you up if you’re ready for bed.”

I didn’t really want to go to bed, but something in the night air had changed and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to go further. I felt unsteady on my feet, and my head was swimming. Maybe I was tipsy after all.

We went inside quietly, and I hovered as Leorio made me up a bed on his sagging couch in the living room. He opened the window, and a cool breeze rolled inside. 

“It’ll be nice for sleeping,” he whispered, plumping up a pillow. “Help yourself to whatever in the kitchen if you get up early. I know you used to always wake up before us.” 

I was touched that he remembered that detail. “Thank you. I’ll try to be quiet.”

”Eh, it’s fine. We’re usually up real early anyways. Kids tend to do that.” 

I nodded like I had any idea of what kids did. We stood gazing at each other for a moment longer, the waves crashing in the distance. Was I imagining it, or was Leorio was looking at my mouth? The moment I thought of it, I couldn’t help but look at his lips, but as I did so, I spotted the piece of crab on his neck again. My hand seemed to raise up of its own volition. As Leorio watched in bemusement, I carefully plucked the piece of crab from his neck and showed it to him. 

“Crab,” I said helpfully, and when he continued to look puzzled, I popped it into my mouth to demonstrate. Immediately I felt so mortified that I wanted to melt into the floor. Why on earth had I done that? Whatever spell had been cast earlier was thoroughly broken. “Um...”

”Yeah. No way you were driving tonight,” he chortled, and walked away, flipping off the lamp. My cheeks burned. “Night, Kurapika. Sleep tight.”

Once he was gone, I collapsed onto the couch and pulled the blankets over my head. In spite of everything, I smiled.

* * *

I was almost asleep when the sound of a foghorn jolted me awake. I sat up, heart racing, and couldn’t remember where I was until I looked around the shadowy room; crayon drawings on the wall, medical textbooks strewn about, the scent of the ocean breathing dark through the window...right, Leorio’s house. With Leorio in it. I was safe.

Exhaling, I laid back down and readjusted my blankets, remembering the night’s events. When I thought of Leorio grabbing my wrist, a thrill went through me, and I felt an ache. I wanted to feel him grasp my arm like that again. As I drifted back to sleep, I let myself replay the moment over and over, changing some details and adding others.

Tentatively, hesitantly, I imagined what it would feel like to kiss him. Had I ever really considered it before? I must have, but somehow I had never let myself fantasize about the actual visceral feeling of it. My dreams were heavy with longing. 


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning dawned bright and clean. When I opened my eyes, I could hear Leorio moving around in the kitchen, muttering to himself and opening cabinets. Yawning, I pushed my woolen blanket aside and rolled off of the couch. Clear sunlight poured in through the windows, and I glimpsed the green ocean sparkling on the horizon. I smiled to myself as I padded sock-footed into the kitchen. 

"Oh, you’re up. Damn thing won't turn on." Leorio grumbled, turning towards me with a kettle in one hand and a toothbrush in the other. His mouth was full of toothpaste. He turned to spit into the kitchen sink, wiping a fleck of froth off of his white doctor's coat. "Sorry. Catalina got something stuck down the bathroom sink, so we have to use this one. And I think my stove is broken." 

"Oh. That's all right," I said, shrugging. "I'll, uh...I can get out of your way, if you need to get ready. I can head home." I paused for a minute, watching Leorio fumble with the stove and curse. "Actually, can I...bring you coffee, or something? Would that help? Or I could get Catalina ready for school?" 

"Ah, that's all right. Thanks. She's already there," he said distractedly, giving up on the kettle and throwing it back in a cabinet. He checked his watch, and his eyes widened. "Shit! Sorry, but I'm running super late. I'll have to go. Thanks again for dinner last night. You can just leave through the back door when you're ready. You can use whatever's in the shower." 

"...Oh. Okay. Thank you," I said, feeling awkward as he hurried around searching for his shoes and keys. "Um...well, it was great to see you. I'll be in town for a while, still, if you want to get together again." 

"Cool. See you, Kurapika," he called, and rushed out the front door with one shoe dangling from his foot. The door slammed shut, and I stood rooted in place in the now-silent kitchen for a long moment. 

* * *

I took my time showering and getting dressed. I couldn't quite figure out how to feel about my interaction with Leorio. I told myself that I shouldn't read too much into it. He was just stressed and running late. It made sense. I probably would have done the same thing. But as I squeezed soap onto my hands (bubblegum-scented, as it was Catalina's bathroom) and slowly washed myself under the hot water, I couldn't help but feel a sense of rejection. Did he feel as though he'd revealed too much last night? Gotten too close to me? As I pulled on my clothes, I replayed the short conversation over and over, trying to wring meaning out of every word and glance. 

Before leaving, I folded my blankets neatly and put them back in the linen closet. I was curious about the rest of Leorio's house, but I didn't want to nose around without Leorio present. I zipped up my jacket and stepped out onto the gravel driveway with a crunch, enjoying the damp breeze against my face. 

The view of the ocean was spectacular as I drove away. White gulls careened in the air high above the roads, calling noisily to one another as I coasted down the steep hill. I passed several wizened fishermen pushing their carts laden with the morning's catch; red snapper and spiny abalone glistening in the sun. I waved to the men as they passed, thinking that perhaps I could find a market to visit. The idea of returning to my empty rented apartment was unappealing, and I wanted to see Leorio's little town. 

After fifteen minutes of driving, I parked my car near the harbor and got out to explore on foot. I followed the briny smell of seafood and quickly found the fish market. It was quiet and uncrowded, so I took my time wandering from stall to stall as the waves slapped against the crumbling stone walls of the docks. Some of the tanks held species that I'd never seen before. Many of the creatures seemed to have mutations: extra appendages and deformed shells. I made a note to ask Leorio about it. As I walked, a tiny old lady called out to me in a language I didn't understand and gestured towards me with a toothless smile. When I approached, she handed me a fresh oyster with a dollop of grated horseradish. 

"...For me?" I asked, unsure if she was giving it to me as a sample. "To buy?" I mimed patting down my pockets, and she shook her head fiercely and jostled the oyster towards me again. With a shrug, I took it from her and swallowed it. It was salty and delicious, and the spicy horseradish made my eyes water. 

"Good?" she asked in my language. "Buy? Yes?" 

"Very good!" I nodded emphatically. "Wow. Yes. Thank you. Um," I said, reaching for my wallet. "I'll take...two dozen. Er, how much for that?" 

She scrawled a number on a piece of paper and held it out to me, and I quickly did the mental math to figure out the conversion rate. It was very cheap. I handed her my money card, and she swiped it on an ancient cash machine. 

"Eat soon," she said, shaking a finger at me as she handed me the oysters in a bag, wrapped in damp newspaper. "Or go bad. Yes?" 

"Yes," I promised. "Eat soon." 

As I pocketed my money card and picked up the bag of oysters, a siren began to wail in the distance. It was an eerie, piercing sound, but no one around me looked concerned. Puzzled, I turned towards the old lady. 

"Siren?" I asked, pointing vaguely in the distance. "What's it for?" 

She replied in her language and pointed in another direction. 

"What's the siren for?" I tried again, speaking slowly. "Storm? Curfew?" 

Looking frustrated, she pointed again, and I saw a small weather-beaten sign taped to a nearby wooden post. 

"Oh, I see," I said, and walked over to read it. "Thank you." 

The sign was printed in multiple languages, and had an illustration of a stick figure running away from a large wave. 

_TSUNAMI SIREN DRILL: All test sirens will sound at 10 am on the morning of the 24th. Please find your community's tsunami evacuation route and obey all posted government advisories._

I was relieved that it was only a drill, but as the siren continued to echo across the harbor, I couldn't help feeling uneasy. I glanced at the smooth surface of the water, trying to imagine it overflowing across the town. The waves were small and peaceful, barely breaking into whitecaps. How high could the water rise? I shuddered and kept walking. 

* * *

By noon I was hungry and tired. I'd traversed a long loop through the town center, pausing once for a cappuccino and another time to peek inside of the small local aquarium, but now I wanted to go back to my apartment and rest. I looked down at my wet bag of oysters, frowning. I didn't really know why I'd bought them. I didn't have the right tools to shuck them at my apartment, and besides, I didn't want to eat twenty-four raw oysters by myself. The bag smelled like wet newspaper and seaweed. I started to regret my impulse purchase. I'd have to share them with someone.

Hesitating, I pulled out my phone. I had Leorio's number now, since he'd called me yesterday, but I still felt nervous using it. I didn't know if he'd be irritated with me. I was probably an unwelcome distraction. I started to put my phone back into my pocket, chewing my lip. 

But I had so many oysters. I couldn't eat them all myself. Before I could lose my nerve, I dialed his number and held my breath, listening to the ring tone. He picked up after the tenth ring, sounding curt and professional. 

"Dr. Paladiknight speaking." 

"Leorio. It's me," I said quickly. I heard him say something muffled in the background. "I hope I'm not disturbing you at work?" 

"Oh. Hey. No, it's my lunch break. What's up?" 

"Do you like oysters?" I blurted. "Well. Because I...bought a lot, and I can't possibly eat them all myself." 

He was quiet for a moment, and I felt myself go red. 

"Since when do you like seafood so much? I don't remember you eating it much," he said thoughtfully, and I let out a nervous chuckle.

"I don't know. It just seems like the thing to do here, I guess." 

"Hm. Well, let's see. I'm busy now, but I could meet up with you in, uh," he said slowly, pausing to rustle something, "a few days. Friday. My mother's taking Catalina for the weekend, and I'm not on call. So yeah. Friday afternoon?" 

I blinked. Had I heard him correctly? I didn't know he had a mother. This was brand-new information. I took a moment to gather myself and reply. 

"...That's fine. Friday's good. Wait. Do oysters last that long?" 

"Sure they do. Five days in the fridge. Keep 'em on ice. Should we meet at Mermaid Park by the aquarium? Four pm?" 

Four on Friday was fine, I told him, and after that we said goodbye. I hung up, still reeling from the shock of hearing about his mother. How had I not known about that? Surely he would have mentioned it at some point during our long friendship. As a light rain began to fall, I meandered back to my parked car and searched my memories of any instances of Leorio talking about his family. I knew plenty about Gon and Killua's families, of course. Had it come up sometime during the Hunter exam? In York Shin? On the Black Whale? It seemed impossible that Leorio knew so much about my family and history when I knew so little of his. I felt a twinge of betrayal. 

Then again, I realized as I drove back to my apartment, maybe it was just that I had never asked. A tendril of guilt grew in my stomach. Some friend I was. 

* * *

Now that I had seen Leorio again, I realized just how badly I had missed him. It was a physical, visceral pain, a tangle of aching nerves in my chest. The prospect of seeing him again on Friday gave me a thrill of adrenaline every time I envisioned it. I'd pushed it away for so long, but I couldn't ignore it any longer. For once in my life, I allowed myself to daydream.

Later that same night, after I'd stashed the oysters safely in the fridge, I ran a hot bath for myself. I soaked in it for hours as a heavy rain pattered on the tin roof of the apartment. The bathtub was cramped and a little rusty, but I leaned back and let my head float in the warm sudsy water. I submerged my ears and listened to the strange underwater sounds. As I relaxed, I let my hands trail down my body, touching my flat stomach and sharp jutting hipbones. I tried to see myself through Leorio's eyes. He'd probably say that I was too thin, which could be true, although I was much healthier than I'd been in a while. But would he consider me attractive? 

_Was_ he attracted to me? I thought I saw it in his eyes, and sensed it in the way he grabbed my wrist, but I could be imagining everything. Leorio, unlike me, was affectionate and expansive, warm and casual and touchy. But did he think of me _that_ way? I sucked in a sharp inhale of breath at the idea. I didn't usually consider myself in that way. As a rule, I tried not to consider myself at all. What if I had gotten the wrong idea entirely? Suddenly cold, I let my hands sink down to the bottom of the tub. 

* * *

Wednesday and Thursday were both long dreary days. I checked the oysters in the fridge nervously every few hours, leaning close to sniff them and rearrange their ice bed. I hoped Leorio knew how to shuck them, because I didn't. On Thursday afternoon I tried to open one of the oysters with a quickly conjured Nen chain. I wriggled the metal into the entrance of the barnacle-crusted shell and wrenched mentally upwards, but all I managed to do was fling the oyster against the wall. The shell cracked but did not open, and a splatter of seawater oozed onto the floral wallpaper. Annoyed, I cleaned the wall and threw the oyster away, shaking my chains back into my sleeve. I hadn't used Nen in months, so perhaps its efficacy had waned. That, or I didn't harbor a violent enough grudge against that particular oyster. I made a piece of toast instead and wandered through the apartment, reading someone's left-behind paperback novel. 

Friday morning was wet and thundery, and I worried that it would rain all day and ruin our meeting at the park. To my relief, by mid-afternoon the sky had partially cleared, revealing a swatch of light pearly blue as a weak sun shone across the gray harbor. Before I left, I combed my hair for twenty minutes and gathered up the bag of oysters. I had to remind myself not to break the speed limit as I drove. I couldn't wait to see him again. 

When I got to Mermaid Park, I spotted Leorio's tall form right away. He was still dressed in his scrubs, and held a canvas bag in one arm and a blue blanket in the other. Pulse increasing, I waved to him and crossed the wide grassy square. A cool breeze lifted my bangs from my forehead. I shivered a little, wishing that I had brought a jacket. 

"You got the oysters? Nice! How's over here?" Leorio called, waving me over. "You find it okay?" He shook out the blanket and laid it on the ground. "This okay? The grass is a little wet." 

"Fine," I said, sitting down beside him and placing the bag of oysters in the middle of the blanket. My hands trembled slightly with nerves, and I tried to steady myself. "Ah. This reminds me of the day in York New."

"It does. Wow. That feels like a lifetime ago, doesn't it?"

I nodded in agreement, feeling nostalgic, but Leorio was already opening up the bag of oysters and pawing through them curiously. He held up a large specimen to inspect it, holding it close to his face and peering at it through his glasses. 

"Where'd you get these? How much did you pay?" 

"Are they all right?" I asked anxiously. "Did they go bad?"

"No, no, just curious," he said, reaching into the pocket of his scrubs and pulling out a knife. I must have gaped at him, because he laughed and made a placating gesture. "Don't worry! Not the same one I use on patients. My old one, from the exam. So tell me, did you get a good deal?" 

"I think so. I paid, um, about 400 jenni for the bag. From an old lady at the fish market." 

He groaned in exasperation. "Kurapikaaaa! You got taken for a ride. You don't _ever_ pay full price! Don't you know how to haggle?" 

"Of course I do! But I'm unfamiliar with the customs here. I didn't want to be rude." 

"Ahhhh," he sighed, throwing back his head in mock despair, "you're useless. Well, I'll just have to teach you how to do it, then. Okay. You know how to do this?" 

I watched in fascination as he expertly slid the tip of his knife into the oyster's thick shell. With a quick twist of his wrist, he opened the oyster and held it out to me. 

"Here. You try first. Make sure they're still good. Heh." 

I glared at him, but took the proffered oyster gingerly from his hand, acutely aware of how our bare skin brushed together. 

"Er...do you have anything to put on it?" I asked, realizing that I had forgotten condiments. "Will it be all right like this?" 

"Of course! Don't be a wuss. They're better this way. Bottoms up!" 

He watched me intently as I lifted the oyster to my mouth, feeling self-conscious. I slurped it down quickly and gave a nod of approval. It tasted smooth and salty and fresh, just like it had at the market.

"They're still good. Have one," I said, and Leorio clapped his hands together and set to work shucking more of them. It was mesmerizing watching him work so efficiently, and before long he had prepared almost the entire bag.

“How’d you learn to do this?” I asked, admiring his skill. “You’re a pro.” 

“My uncles were all naturals at it. They taught me during the holidays growing up. You get the hang of it after enough practice.”   
  
So he had uncles, too. There was so much I didn’t know about him. I nodded and ate a few more and looked out at the ocean, enjoying the feel of the breeze and the smell of the saltwater. I turned to Leorio as he downed two oysters at once. He met my eyes and grinned. 

"Good stuff, eh? And it stopped raining finally. See, it's not so bad here." 

"I can see why you like it here. It's quite beautiful, really," I said, tucking my knees into my chest. "At first I didn't see it, but..." 

He nodded, wiping his knife on his pant leg. "Yeah. It grows on you, doesn't it? At first you have no idea what you're doing here, but after a while it gets under your skin. You don't want to let it go." 

"Mm," I agreed, although I wasn't exactly sure what we were talking about. "You don't." 

"Yeah. Plus, it's a good job."

"That's good. I'm glad you're happy here," I said, and paused to watch Leorio for a moment as he continued to gulp down oysters. He seemed cheerful, and more relaxed than the last time I'd seen him. I wondered if I could get away with asking a few questions. "So, Catalina is with your mother, you said?" 

He paused for half of a beat, oyster in hand, before looking away and nodding. "Yep. She, uh, lives about an hour away, so it's nice to be pretty close to her." 

"I had no idea. Actually, I wanted to apologize. I was...not a very good friend to you in the past. I never asked." 

"Ah, well. Water under the bridge," Leorio mumbled through a mouthful of oyster. He swallowed and turned to face me again. "But since you mentioned it. Yeah. You never asked." 

"Do Gon and Killua know?" I asked, my curiosity outweighing my guilt. "Have they met?" 

"Few times. Mom loves them, of course. They haven't met Catalina yet, but they've talked to her on the phone a few times and sent her birthday cards and so on. I'd like her to get to know 'em, before she gets too big." 

"I see," I said, processing all of this new information. It was hard not to feel jealous, but then again, I only had myself to blame. "Well. I'm glad I asked, finally. I'm sorry. I was very...myopic, back then." 

"S'okay, Kurapika. We didn't hold it against you," he shrugged, pushing his hair out of his eyes. "We understood. You're...uh, you're here now." 

There was a lull in the oyster consumption as we sat in silence for a few minutes, both gazing out over the sea. Leorio was sitting close to me, and I imagined that I could feel the warmth emanating from his body. I shifted imperceptibly, wanting to be closer to him. I looked down at his hand as it sat against the blanket, and tried to will my own hand to move. 

"You try," Leorio said abruptly, handing me the knife and an unopened oyster. "Do you know how to do it?" 

"No. Well, I tried to use Nen," I admitted, "but that didn't work very well." 

He laughed. "Give it a try. You just have to get the tendons to separate cleanly, and then you won't ruin it. Go ahead." 

"I'm not a surgeon," I reminded him, trying to prod the oyster open. The knife felt unwieldy in my hands, and kept slipping from my grip. "You have some Nen on this, don't you? It doesn't like me." 

"Oh. Maybe there is," he said, frowning. He leaned closer, and wrapped his right hand around mine to loosely hold the knife. "Here, I'll kinda show you the motion, and then you can try on another one." 

His touch was very gentle. I held my breath as he deftly guided my hand. After one tidy flick, I held a perfectly shucked oyster in my left hand, its bluish contents shimmering in the afternoon sun. 

"See?" he said, his voice strangely quiet. "You did it! Now you do one."

"Here, you have this one," I said, and handed him the oyster. My face and ears were burning, and I quickly looked away from his gaze and pretended to busy myself selecting a new oyster from the bag. Once I picked one out, I tried to replicate Leorio's knife technique, but my hands were shaking and my aim was poor. I felt a dull pain in my palm, and looked down to see a crimson gash where I had sliced myself.

"Damn," I snapped, embarrassed, as I reached for a napkin. "I'm not as good as you. Sorry." 

"Shit! Here, let me see that," Leorio said at once, eyes widening in alarm. "That looks bad." 

"It's fine, really," I said, holding my hand against my chest. "Really, it's fine. I can probably just use my Nen."

"No, no, don't waste your weird Nen on this," he groused, and grabbed my hand. Before I could register what was happening, he licked the blood from my palm. The sensation sent a shock of warmth directly to my groin. I made a strangled noise of confusion. 

"What the hell? Is this Nen?

"What? No, I just don't want you to get oyster shell stuck in your cut. I'll use Nen in a second. If I heal oyster dirt into your skin, you'll turn septic and die." He glared at me as thought I should have already known that, but my head was spinning too much to make sense of what he was saying. "Hold still." 

Still holding my hand, he grabbed his canvas bag and reached inside to retrieve a packaged alcohol wipe. He ripped it open with his teeth and quickly wiped my gash. I gasped at the sudden sting. 

"Tch. Really? After everything you've been through?" he chided me, smiling a little. "You big baby. It's not that bad. Here, all done. You did very well." 

He was teasing me, and I couldn't decide if I hated it or loved it. I pretended to scowl, looking off into the distance at the gathering clouds. "I could heal this myself, you know." 

"Yeah, and you'll take ten years off of your life to fix your cut. No thanks." He rubbed his thumb over my palm twice, and I felt a tingling sensation spread throughout my entire body. "There. _That_ was my Nen. Should be good as new." 

I held out my hand and admired my unblemished palm. "Thanks. I didn't know that trick was up your sleeve." 

He shrugged and started to clean up the oyster shells. "Actually, they teach you a lot of stuff in med school." 

"Surely they don't teach you Nen?" 

"Well, that part was extra-curricular. But the thing about sepsis? That was med school." 

Once we had gathered up the empty shells and folded the blanket, we walked back towards the main street towards our cars. The evening air had grown chilly, but I didn't want the day to end. I waited for Leorio to make the next move. 

"What fancy seafood are you gonna bring me next?" he asked as we approached the cars, grinning. "Crabs then oyster! Man. They taught you well in the Mafia, huh?"

I rolled my eyes. "It has nothing to do with that. You're just near the coast, that's all." 

Our cars were parked at opposite ends of the street, and when we reached them we both came to a halt. 

"Well...good to see you, again!" I said, giving him what I hoped passed for a friendly smile. It felt more like a grimace. "Enjoy your weekend off." 

"Thanks! Always nice to have some time alone," he agreed, fidgeting with his car keys. He was clicking his lock button nervously, I noticed, and his car headlights were flashing on and off over and over. It was disorienting in the gathering darkness. "Thanks again for the oysters. Well, see you!"

The night was over, then. I walked quickly towards my own car, waving at Leorio as he started the ignition and drove away. 

Once his car disappeared down the block, I got behind the driver's seat and smacked the steering wheel. My eyes burned with frustrated tears. I had felt so tongue-tied the entire time. And now I felt foolish for imagining that today would turn into anything more than a friendly picnic. 

* * *

I was halfway to my apartment when my phone rang. I answered it without looking at the contact, not wanting to get my hopes up. 

"Hello?"

"Hey, Kurapika? I, um, might need to ask a favor." 

"What is it?" I said at once, slowing down. My chest tightened with fear. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine! But, well, my car isn't."

"What happened?!"

"I, um, hit a rock. A big rock." 

"Really?" I asked in surprise. "You're the best driver I've ever met. What happened?" 

"I have no idea. But, uh, it's pretty totaled, so, er, do you think you could give me a ride to the rental place?" 

"Of course. Where are you?" 

"Can't you use your aura?"

I clicked my tongue. "Not anymore. Not really." 

"Oh. Sorry. I'll send you a pin. Thanks so much. I'm really sorry about this." 

"That's all right. I didn't exactly have a busy schedule myself." 

He sent me his location, and I drove carefully to meet him, scanning the road for any loose rocks. Twenty minutes later I found him crouched on the side of the dark highway next to his car, looking miserable. The hood of the car was dented and steaming, but I didn't see the offending rock. 

"Where is it?" I asked, getting out of the car and looking around. "What did you hit?" 

"I have no idea. The tow truck said to just leave it here, so we can go. Thanks again." He cast a mournful glance at the wreck before getting into the passenger side of my rental car. "Watch out for rocks." 

"I think you hit something else," I said as I started the ignition and drove slowly away. "Maybe an animal." 

He winced, grasping the door handle. "Ugh. I hope not. Poor thing." 

"Well, let's hope you gave it a merciful death, whatever it was." 

"Hey, stop that. It might have been a rock," he said, but he was smiling faintly. "Coulda been." 

We drove in silence for fifteen minutes. He was so close to me that I could smell his cologne. At stop lights, I stole covert glances at his profile, noticing how he'd developed a habit of pushing his hair off of his forehead every few minutes. It was new and unfamiliar to me, and yet so endearing that I wanted to reach over and brush his hair myself. He caught me looking at the second red light. I tore my gaze away and stared at the street signs. 

"Eyes on the road," he said, his voice low and playful. I swallowed and clenched the steering wheel tighter. 

The rental car agency was out in the suburbs a ways, close to the airport. It was almost empty except for two bored employees at the front desk. We drove across the vast concrete parking lot, squinting underneath the fluorescent lights. I pulled into a spot near the entrance and turned off the ignition, but Leorio made no move to leave. 

"Well, choose a good one," I said, trying to sound offhand. "Watch out for rocks on the way home. Or Kirikos, or whatever it was." 

"I'll be extra careful," Leorio replied, but his face didn't match his joking tone. He looked like he was in pain. Had he injured himself in the accident?

"Are you all right?" I asked, starting to worry. "Did you hit your head?"

"Maybe I did," he muttered. "Thanks, Kurapika. Um. I'll just..." 

He had one hand on the passenger door, but instead of getting out of the car, he turned back towards me and placed a cool hand against my cheek. I froze. 

"Leorio...?"

"I just..." he started, and then fell silent. He moved his hand from my face to my shoulder, and squeezed it. "Sorry. I don't really know why I..."

"It's okay," I said, my voice raspy from nerves. "Hey. It's all right." 

Before he could pull his hand away from my shoulder, I took it and pressed the palm to my lips, very gently. "Right?" 

"Right," he said, so softly I could barely hear him. I released his hand. "Sorry. I just." He stopped to clear his throat, still wearing that pained look on his face. "It's just. This is really...frightening." 

"Getting in accidents is always somewhat traumatic," I agreed automatically, but he made a frustrated noise and shook his head. 

"No, no. That's fine. I'm fine. I mean, it's not fine. But. It's just," he said, gesturing at the empty space between us, "um...this is. Scary. I didn't. I didn't know it would feel so...so strong to see you again, like this. And I don't know what to do." He paused and gave me a searching look. "I'm not imagining things, right? This is really happening?" 

"Yes. I was afraid I was imagining it, too," I confessed in relief, and he nodded. 

"Okay. Well. Yeah. So we're on the same page." 

I wasn't sure why he still looked so unhappy. Tentatively, I reached over and took his hand again. It was sweaty, but I rubbed it in a comforting way. To my dismay, his mouth quivered and his shoulders began to shake. He started to cry silently, fat tears dripping down his nose and fogging up his glasses. 

"Leorio, what's wrong?" I asked, frightened. Had I said something that awful? "Don't cry. Hey. It's okay. Don't cry." I leaned awkwardly across the cupholder between the seats and hugged him close, stroking the back of his neck as he sniffled wetly into my cheek and shoulder. "What's the matter? Did I say something wrong? Are you hurt?" 

"I can't do this," he choked out, breathing erratically. "I can't. You're going to leave again." 

"I won't. Leorio, I promise. I won't leave."

"And Catalina. She already loves you. You can't just come back and then leave, you know?!" He was starting to hiccup now, and I reached into the backseat to hand him a bottle of water. He accepted it and took a sip, dragging a hand across his eyes. "You can't do that again. _Fuck_ , Kurapika." 

He looked so lost and sad sitting there in the passenger seat with his too-long hair falling into his eyes and a shadow of stubble on his cheeks. He was so good that it broke my heart. So good and so kind. I didn't deserve him at all. All I wanted to do was wrap him in my arms and tell him that everything would be all right, that it was different now, that I wouldn't hurt him again. But I would have to work to regain his trust. 

"All I can tell you is the truth," I started. He took a breath and held my gaze. "I know that I can't undo the past. I would if I could. You don't have to forgive me right away, or ever, but I only hope that you believe me when I tell you that I'm not planning on going anywhere."

He sighed and scrubbed his face. "I want to believe you." 

"You can hold me to it. I promise, Leorio."

"Okay." His eyes narrowed. "You don't have to be a martyr about it, though." 

"What do you mean?" 

"Well. I'm not going to hold a grudge against you forever, you know," he said, a flicker of his normal self returning. I braved a tiny smile at him, and he returned it. "That would be kinda messed up. Nah. If we're...doing this at all, it's gotta be, you know. Normal. Starting at the beginning. No weird covenants or fighting or groveling or whatever." 

"I wasn't planning on groveling _that_ much," I said, just to make him laugh, and he chuckled and wiped his eyes. "Only a little bit." 

As I leaned over to embrace Leorio, I realized with growing horror that the rental car attendant was standing directly beside my window, holding a clipboard and chewing her gum impatiently. Mortified, I caught her eye. She nodded curtly in response. 

"Um, Leorio?" I asked into his shoulder. 

"Mm?"

"You might need to go get that car now. I think she may have been there for a while." 

"Oh, god," he muttered, breaking away and turning bright red. "Shit. Do I have all my papers? Yeah. Okay. Um..." 

"We don't have to finish this right now," I said, touching his arm. 

"Okay. Sure. Thank you, Kurapika." He paused. "Will you follow me home, though?" 

"To...your house?" 

He nodded and stepped out of the car to greet the irritated rental car attendant. I squeezed the steering wheel tightly and took a deep, long breath. 


End file.
